For Guys. Do’s and Don’ts to Online Dating

I’ve been married for years, and meeting eligible men today is much different from when I was dating. My beautiful, darling daughter has recently stepped back into the dating game after a painful break-up. Her girlfriends convinced her to sign up for online dating.

Oh my, how things have changed. Now a girl can shop from the comfort of her home wearing a scruffy bathrobe while eating a pint of ice cream. It’s like choosing a guy from the Sears catalog without the awkward underwear shots. (Or perhaps those awkward underwear shots would be preferable to some of the photos my daughter described.)

My daughter gave me her list of Do’s and Don’ts for the photos men post.

  1.  Men if you have shirtless photos …. You will seem a little douche.
  2.  No one wants to see you kissing the fish you just caught.
  3.  Spell out words. Stop being lazy.
  4. Don’t post photos with your wedding band on your finger.
  5. Don’t post photos of you with your wife, girlfriend, or ex.
  6. Don’t overdo the photoshopping. I’m not superficial, but I’m not blind, I WILL notice that extra fifty pounds.
  7. Dead deer in the photos do nothing for me.
  8. If every photo has alcohol in it…. I may think you are an alcoholic.
  9. Stealing Joe Manganiello ‘s picture and saying it’s you… not falling for it (But Joe, if this is really you, get in touch).
  10. Guns in photos are a little scary.

I suggested adding things like: Photos of the guy with his pet, walking on the beach, and drinking piña coladas. She rolled her eyes and said I was dating myself, she wasn’t posting the lyrics to Rupert Holmes “Escape, Piña Colada song.” Frustrated with my romantic spin on things, she ran the list by her Dad. His reply?  “How about a photo of the guy at a real job, a picture of his 401-K statement and his health insurance card?”

I’m glad I got drunk and picked my hubby up in a bar. Dating in 2014 is a strange new world.

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