Fangirl moment.

Yesterday I went to Atlanta to meet some of my favorite romance authors. I went with my dear friend, Jill Odom, who is also an author and Kelley, a blogger with the fabulous Smut Book Junkies, I brought the few books I wanted signed and waited with nervous anticipation at each author’s table. I consider myself a writer. I think I have a decent vocabulary. But when I’m fangirling, I seem to lose the ability to string a coherent set of sentences together. This is a typical exchange when I meet an author. They are my celebrities.

Author: “Good morning.”

Me: Blank stare, mouth moving, nothing coming forth.

Author: “I see you have my book. Would you like me to sign it?”

Me:  Say something stupid!  Nods.

Author: Reaches for the book clutched in my sweaty hands. “Should I make this out to you?”

Me: Another barely perceptible nod. Inside my head I’m telling her how wonderful her characterizations are, how her plot reeled me in. How I own every book she’s written on my Kindle and these paperback books are my second copies. Out of my dry, cotton mouth: not a word.

Author: Signs book and hands it back to me with a smile. “Thank you for coming.”

Not budging, I search for something else to say. At any moment I’m sure the assistant next to the author is going to kick me out of the way, like Ralphie when he finally sees Santa in A Christmas Story.

Me: Do something, say something! I buy more books to buy more time. The Author smiles and signs them, raising her eyebrows as if to say “Anything else?”

Me: Finally my gift of speech returns. I blurt out, “I love your books! Thank you!”

Jill rolls her eyes and drags me away with a reassuring pat on the arm. On the way home I think of everything I wanted to say and didn’t. *sigh* Next time…


For Guys. Do’s and Don’ts to Online Dating

I’ve been married for years, and meeting eligible men today is much different from when I was dating. My beautiful, darling daughter has recently stepped back into the dating game after a painful break-up. Her girlfriends convinced her to sign up for online dating.

Oh my, how things have changed. Now a girl can shop from the comfort of her home wearing a scruffy bathrobe while eating a pint of ice cream. It’s like choosing a guy from the Sears catalog without the awkward underwear shots. (Or perhaps those awkward underwear shots would be preferable to some of the photos my daughter described.)

My daughter gave me her list of Do’s and Don’ts for the photos men post.

  1.  Men if you have shirtless photos …. You will seem a little douche.
  2.  No one wants to see you kissing the fish you just caught.
  3.  Spell out words. Stop being lazy.
  4. Don’t post photos with your wedding band on your finger.
  5. Don’t post photos of you with your wife, girlfriend, or ex.
  6. Don’t overdo the photoshopping. I’m not superficial, but I’m not blind, I WILL notice that extra fifty pounds.
  7. Dead deer in the photos do nothing for me.
  8. If every photo has alcohol in it…. I may think you are an alcoholic.
  9. Stealing Joe Manganiello ‘s picture and saying it’s you… not falling for it (But Joe, if this is really you, get in touch).
  10. Guns in photos are a little scary.

I suggested adding things like: Photos of the guy with his pet, walking on the beach, and drinking piña coladas. She rolled her eyes and said I was dating myself, she wasn’t posting the lyrics to Rupert Holmes “Escape, Piña Colada song.” Frustrated with my romantic spin on things, she ran the list by her Dad. His reply?  “How about a photo of the guy at a real job, a picture of his 401-K statement and his health insurance card?”

I’m glad I got drunk and picked my hubby up in a bar. Dating in 2014 is a strange new world.

A strange new world.

This week’s project in making a presence on the web: establishing a Pinterest account. I feel like an atheist, all dressed up with no place to go. So I now have a blog, a website, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest accounts and no idea really what to do with them. I’m making a little progress on Twitter. I have fifty followers and at least nine of them aren’t bots. I haven’t been thrown in twitter jail for a week! This foray into being an author is daunting, but I plan to persevere. So now what? I think another cup of coffee and jumping back in to what I love to do…writing.